Black Days...

Had a couple of not-so-nice times... one happened at work today. The incident made me question once again the value of education, and whether this is the right job for me. I know I've always wanted to make a difference in the lives of others, and to nurture and care for young individuals. Many people around me have also remarked how suitable I am for the job, including Hubby. I know he has always placed great faith in me being able to do a good job in this profession, and constantly gives me support and advice on how to handle certain things. But sometimes, I still feel alone because I think no one can really understand how I feel.

Throughout the course of my work, I've witnessed so many disheartening events and experienced so much heartache that sometimes, I just wonder if I had even made the right choice deciding on this career. It's been a dream job of mine since primary school, and I made sure that I did my best at school so that I was able to choose what I wanted to study in order to fulfill my dream. I also took up part-time work related to this line just so I could better prepare myself for this job. But sadly, with each unpleasant encounter, I get increasingly disillusioned. Every time I feel this way, I feel like crying so bad. I treasure what education means to me, but my feelings for the job get trampled on time and time again with the bad experiences I go through. I have fallen, picked myself up and told myself to move on, only to fall again and again. It's neverending. Maybe it wouldn't feel so bad if I weren't passionate about this job to begin with. Because I feel strongly about what I value, I get all emotional when things don't go according to how I feel it should. Do I want to lead a lifetime like this? I seriously wonder. But I know I can't give up this career for many reasons. Most of the time, it's the thought of the kids and Hubby's moral support that gets me to persevere. But sometimes, I really feel very tired of what I see. Just... so tired.

I guess I'm just ranting on...perhaps it doesn't even make much sense here. I don't want to specify what happened... just wanna write what I'm feeling now.

Had a bad time last Sunday morning too. Went out jogging with Hubby, and when we ended the job and were walking back to our block, I felt horrible. Chest hurt when I took deep breaths, and my vision blurred cos was seeing spots. We stopped by the bakery near our place and wanted to place an order for a belated birthday cake for Mummy and Papa, and while we were checking out the types of cakes that we could order, I just felt faint and lost consciousness for a while. Luckily Hubby was by my side, and the person at the bakery happened to be a nurse who was helping out there then. She lay me on the floor and helped me to regain consciousness. Checked my pulse too and said it was weak, I think. Dunno why I blacked out. Could be because I went jogging without having breakfast, or perhaps I was still weak from the recent flu. :( Anyway, will have to be careful in future. Sure don't wanna experience this again.

Ok, that's all for today. Wanted to put down some happy thoughts too but no mood to do so now. Hopefully the next time I log in, I'll be a happier person than now. Tata.

Kiss the Rain...

Survived the week, yes!!! :) It's Friday, yet I'm still overloaded with lots of things to clear. Though stressed (as usual :p), am feeling zen within cos I found another wonderful video on Youtube to replace the previous one I had.

This one features a sad piano tune by Yiruma, a famous music composer from South Korea. He's got his albums sold worldwide and gained recognition for his wonderful ability to compose and play songs that touch you right to the core of your heart. I first learnt about him from Beebee, then heard some of his songs on the playlist she used to have on her blog. Was hooked on this one in particular, titled "Kiss the Rain". Took a little breather from my work and decided to search for any nice videos of the song. Couldn't find any official MTV for it, but found this one that comes with lovely photographs to suit the theme of the song. Whenever I listen to this song, I just feel less stressed. Tomorrow will be out shopping for some gifts with Hubby. Hmm... perhaps I can try looking for Yiruma's album at HMV... would be great if I have a collection of his songs to listen to any time I want. :)

Meanwhile, it's back to Yiruma's "Kiss the Rain" for me once again... SIGH... :)

Such thoughtful teenage gestures... ;)

Heh... am back in action at work... FINALLY! Strange how I actually missed going back to the workplace last week when I was forced to go on MC... boy, you'd think I'd have a good time taking advantage of the break and resting at home. Nah, for me, it's either to feel ok and be swamped by work or feel horrible cos of some dumb virus AND still be swamped by work. I'd pick the former any time. :p

Anyway, been back in school since Monday this week, and I received such wonderful tokens from those youngsters at school. Think Eng Wee spoke to some of his student councillors who know me and told them I was quite unwell last week. Then one of the Sec 3 boys from the next class whom I taught the last two years but am no longer teaching now, together with some of his pals who are from my form class, decided to present me with a packet of herbal medicine with handwritten instructions enclosed. His dad owns a medicinal hall near school, so he's familiar with Chinese herbs and stuff. So sweet! Was so touched by the kind gesture. What's better still is that I went back that evening and really tried to boil the herbs according to his instructions, and it really worked! Drank about two-third of it and saved the rest for Hubby. Even Hubby commented that the drink turned out quite nice. :) Throat was actually in pain still when I returned home that afternoon, especially after a day of teaching, but the pain vanished after I consumed the concoction. Wow... this experience kinda made me more open to Chinese medicine now. Also received a full pack of lozenges from another boy in my form class... another heartwarming moment for me when he passed the pack to me after class. So sweet, these kids...although some of them, especially the girls, said they missed my 'sexy voice'. Blea. Hehe.



Above are the thoughtful get-well gifts: The traditional packet of Chinese medicinal herbs, supposedly meant to 'cool' the body and reduce heatiness, the enclised list of instructions (with the scary disclaimer at the bottom where the boys made it clear that they 'do not bear any responsibility' if I do drink the concoction...haha) and the pack of lozenges -- strawberry flavoured, one of my favourites! ;)

Well, think I'd better note down what I remember of the process for boiling the herbal medicine cos it may come in handy in future:

1. Put the herbs into a small pot.

2. Add 3-4 cups of water.

3. Bring to boil over low heat on stove, till the concoction gives off a strong herbal smell.

4. Drink on its own, at least a few hours before or after taking Western medicine.

5. To store any remaining liquid, seal in bottle and keep at room temperature (cannot keep in fridge!)

Think the packet includes red dates, which is supposedly good for blood circulation, chrysanthemum flowers, luo han (Sophia said the big round things are 'luo han') and the rest, er.. I can't identify liao. :p But yeah, after this experience, will definitely give Chinese medicine a try in future! :)

Sweet surprise amidst my misery...

I know I'm on MC... people on MC should not be entertaining themselves by doing things like blogging. But Hubby's right.. he JUST said, "You still got a lot to say hor? No voice liao still die die must talk..." hehe, though I can't talk (voice is sort of even worse than yesterday, though the pain in the throat isn't so bad anymore), I must still find some way to express myself what, and what better way to do it than use bloggy here? Hee.

I promise I'd try to clear as much marking as I can at home within these 2 days, now that I'm outta action at work. Of course, will also try to get more rest as well and guai guai take my medication faithfully... I REALLY REALLY WANNA GO OUT THIS WEEKEND!!!

Anyway, enough of all that sickness stuff. Just wanna put on record here something pleasant that happened last night, after Hubby came home from work. It was our 25th month wedding anniversary, and recently, he's developed a sort of fascination for G-shock watches after purchasing a magazine catalogue that features these watches, so... guess what? He rushed out yesterday afternoon, before I came home, to buy a pair of G-shock watches that he'd discovered was in stock at one of the local stores. He just felt he had to have it cos the watches were limited edition models, plus they were designed specially for G-shock's 25th anniversary celebration. Get it? 25th anniversary ==> 25th wedding anniversary. I guess it kills two birds in one stone for Hubby...he gets to show his love for me, and satisfy his craving for these watches at the same time. Heh.

The case that comes with each watch is identical, and I think the design's pretty cool. Hubby said the special logo is created by some famous designer. Next, a close-up view of the 2 watches. The one with the round face is Hubby's, and I chose the other one with the rectangular face. If you notice, the time is perfectly synchronised. right down to the second -- Hubby's idea. V sweet.

So that's it... the one nice thing that happened yesterday while I was feeling so sore and pathetic for myself. :p We've decided to put on the watches if we can go out this weekend, so that's another reason (besides looking around for things to shop for) for me to go out! So come on, body, buck up and fight hard to eliminate the virus!!!

I'm hurting...and on my 25th month wedding anniversary some more... ;(

ow... ow... OW!!! I'm in pain... so much pain... *sob*

Throat pain... Eye pain... Chest pain... heart pain...

First, the throat pain. Remember my last entry when I said I was having a bad sore throat after the camp? Yeah... it worsened and turned into flu over the weekend (yes, weekend was indeed ruined in the end... originally planned to go over for lunch at in-laws' place cos haven't been back for a VERY long time, plus meet up with HZ and Jess for a shopping trip in the afternoon and chill out over dinner... but had to cancel all the plans. SO SAD!!!). It was such a miserable weekend (although watching Deathnote 2 on Channel U on Sunday evening kinda took my mind off the flu for a while). Anyway, on Monday, I went on MC. Niao1 doc downstairs gave me only a day of MC, even after I asked him a bit sarcastically if he was sure I'd be ok the next day. Yesterday, had to force myself to return to work. And guess what? Ended up with hardly any voice left. Sore throat actually worsened and it's now really painful when I swallow...

Then today, eye pain. In the middle of the morning, I felt something was wrong with my right eye. It became watery and kept churning out discharge, making me feel so uncomfortable. Then, it started stinging, especially when I blink. Cancelled my band duty today to see doc near the workplace. Doc says it's viral infection, possibly linked to my flu. Told me for goodness' sake not to force myself back to work anymore this week. Gave me TWO days MC, starting tomorrow. Sigh. Not having to wake up and drag myself to work in this flu state is good, but missing so many classes (exams coming!!!) and even my promotion ceremony at Suntec tomorrow afternoon is NOT GOOD! Boo hoo... had actually been looking forward to attending the ceremony with Sophia too. ;(

Later in the afternoon, when got home, started coughing quite a bit. When cough, chest pain, cos cough a bit dry sometimes. Chest would hurt when cough very hard. Argh argh argh!!!

Finally, heart pain. Metaphorically lah, but still very pain. Cos since this flu thing started, I've not been able to be in much contact with Hubby... can't even give him my usual morning goodbye kiss before going to work... *sob* Haven't been able to even talk to him properly cos of this dumb sore throat, or spend quality time with him. Sometimes I grouchy, sometimes drowsy, sometimes lethargic, sometimes just irritable. But he's been quite patient so far lah... just wants me to recover asap.

Sigh... I miss Hubby, miss doing some of my fav activities, including ping-pong, and I miss my own voice! (k lah, a bit ego-sounding :p, but true lor) Flu flu, go away... don't want you back on any day... ... ...

Outdoor Adventure Camp! ~Shiok ah~

Hey hey... I'm back from my Sec 3 Outdoor Adventure Camp at MOE Jalan Bahtera Adventure Centre! It's quite far in some deserted place in Lim Chu Kang, and arrgh! I couldn't get any signal from the local network! Darn... Those of us who subscribe to Singtel faced this problem, but other local networks seem ok... wonder how come like that lor. Was quite annoyed cos could only contact Hubby with a couple of SMSes using Sophia's hp.. sigh. But overall it's been a great camp and I had several great memorable experiences there... but missed Hubby, so am still very happy to be back home finally. The only spoiler's that I am now down with a very bad sore throat... so painful! Dunno why... maybe it's the weather these days, sometimes so sunny and bright, then suddenly thunderstorm and all, so feel 'funny' lor. Just hoping I don't really come down with anything terrible to ruin my weekend.

Anyway, back to my wonderful experiences at the camp. Actually it's sort of like a resort (not high-class one, of course, but quite ok) and not the jungle survival sort of campsite that I'd imagined it to be. I got to sleep in a small room with 8 bunk beds with my female colleagues... most of us already got along well before the camp so bunking together for two nights in a row wasn't a problem at all. In fact, we had great conversations in the room, and for both nights, some of us would be talking until we fall asleep one by one. In fact, I was the first to conk out last night... heh.

THE FACILITIES @ THE CAMPSITE

A little view of what the facilities look like... there's the dining hall (canteen) where we had our meals and also had to wash our own plates and cutlery with our bare hands (no clean sponge!) after each meal, the mattress I slept on (took the lower bunk, of course... scared fall off the top bunk :p) before I covered it with some clean bedsheets, the small corridor leading to the staff toilets where we wash up and shower as well as the camp commandant's office. There's a nice balcony there that I used to dry my wet shoes too. Oh and then there's the nice little 'huts' that the kids sleep in at night in the open... no doors... but I think it's fun to sleep in if not for the mosquitoes! ;P

DAY #1:

• Final camp briefing @ school hall
• Reached camp later in the morning! :D (But that was when I also got annoyed cos really no network)
• Checked in
• Went about taking photos of kids settling down in their groups and making new friends
• Lunch (erm, it was catered food, buffet style, but could have been better in terms of taste)
• Went out in really scorching afternoon sun (thank God for sunblock and mosquito repellant!) to take more pics of kids trying out various stuff like high elements and ooohhh... kayaking
• Took a motorboat out with some colleagues, got tempted to go kayaking despite not having any experience at it or being able to swim even (cos saw the kids and then saw Sophia and Siow Ling paddle so hilariously... haha)
• YEAH! Really plucked up my courage and just went out to the waters with Hui Yuen... we make quite a good pair cos we were able to synchronise our strokes and move pretty fast in the waters...no prob changing directions too... hee... basically quite successful at our attempt to kayak until.. ahem.. we wanted to head back and kinda 'crashed' into a part of the mangrove near the shore. :p But it's really so fun! Was out there for quite a long time... Heh.
• Dinner (slightly better than lunch :p)
• Stayed indoors hanging out with colleagues cos nightwalk got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances ; kids stayed indoors to play some kidnap game instead
• Wash up, shower
• Stayed up past midnight talking to Sophia after most of the rest conked out cos we weren't quite sleepy yet
• Zzzz... (but got disturbed by this ridiculous alarm set at 4am plus by a student on his/her mobile phone which was confiscated and kept in our room...sigh. Rang for so long lor. Blea.)
  

Yeah, that's the motorboat some of us went out to the waters in at first before we got so tempted to go kayaking on our own that we asked the uncle to get us back to land so we could go get ourselves the equipment to move out there on our own :) Oh and some of the kelongs and mangrove swamps we saw on the waters... so many of them! Quite relaxing just seeing all these instead of the urban landscape for a change... :)

DAY #2:

• Woke up at 6am plus
• Breakfast (quite good)
• Went out in hot morning sun again to check out what the kids are doing; took more wonderful pics
• Lunch
• Left camp to go home and freshen up before attending an MOE event
• Went home, changed and managed to get a mercedes cab to get back to camp (cost me $22.40 for that single trip!!! @_@) but at least had a comfortable long ride back to camp
• Dinner
• Nua in room with colleagues again
• Campfire time! The kids were really great... put up some wonderful performances and also showed how united they were when they chanted cheers non-stop... the instructors from High Achievers did a fantastic job turning these kids into such enthusiastic and disciplined campers; I was really impressed!
• Wash up and shower
• Back in room talking and yep, that was the night when I was the first to conk out in the middle of all the conversation
• Woke up from time to time during the night cos of unwanted disturbances again of a different sort... aiyo. :S

DAY #3:

• Slept till 7am plus
• Breakfast (not bad also)
• Kids do area clean-up -- they were such great helpers! :)
• Packed and nua with colleagues in room again
• Prize Presentation
• Back to school (sigh... reality check for all of us, teachers and students :p)
• Mass debrief and dismissal, with tired but happy faces... so nice!
  

SPECIAL MENTION: A FELINE FRIEND @ CAMP

*Meow* Hello, I am Sebastian... The humans call me 'Sebas' sometimes. *Meow* The lady whom this blog belongs to fell in love with me at first sight and seemed crazy over me... *Meow* She met me on the first day of her camp and decided to befriend me. Actually, she met my cat dish and my mini cat plush toy first, and she started looking around to see if there was a real cat around. Of course there must have been lah, else the cat food and all for what one?! Anyway, I decided to accept her as a friend too cos she was really good at scratching behind my ears, rubbing beneath my jaw and stroking my back and all. And she constantly coos to me (I also dunno why... not as if I can really reply her) so ok lah, I just TRY to reply in my own tongue lor, so all she could hear was *Meow... Meow... Mew mew... Meeeeooowww*

On the second day, in the day time, I lazed around her and her friends outside the camp commandments office corridor. I listened to them talking animatedly. They also had this funny conversation about me -- think they couldn't decide if I'm male or female. So difficult meh?! Then she also helped me 'chase away' this person who started poking me (she did it the day before too ok! Think her name is Sophia... *Meow*). But later, that Sophia-person came back and started stroking my back, so ok lah, I just guai guai lie there. Then all the human females there started cooing affectionately at me, saying I'm so cute. *Meow Meow* I think I really DO look great, with my glossy black fur and cool small patches of white fur on the underside of my body, oh and of course, I have ultra-beautiful eyes lor. *Meeeeeeowwww* Then this blog owner came and squatted next to me, and treated me so nicely again. At night, I went to visit her room... stayed outside the door and meowed. Ok lah, I didn't go looking for her intentionally... Her colleague fed me with this KFC chicken outside and I wanted more so I just followed her back to the room, but the door was closed on me, no more chicken! Hmmph. So stayed outside waiting until this blog-owner came out and led me away to play with me some more. K lah, no chicken, but got comforted quite well, so ended up following her around. *Meow*

Then sigh. This morning, she came to look for me to say bye bye cos she's going back already. So sad. I followed her around, even attempted to go into the ladies with her, and even meowed to her so many times. I think she was also a bit sad to say bye bye to me, but cannot help it lah, she's not a permanent camp resident like me mah. *Meowwww* But whatever it is, I think she is a nice human and I hope she'll remember the good times we shared. *Meow*

Wheeee... off went the weekend...(and xiao3bao1)

Yahoo! Yes, the two enemies've left... Doc's jabs were indeed potent. Heh.

Last weekend passed by in a flash (why does every weekend have to behave like that? Can't stand it... sigh). Guai guai reported at Dr Yap's on Saturday morning for the scheduled checkup and blood test once again (Ow, ow!!!) and am glad that everything seems ok, although the results she analysed were based on the previous blood test after the Japan trip (and after all the goodies that I've consumed in that wonderful land :p). And ho ho ho! I managed to reduce my weight by nearly another 2kg. Ok la, not much, but it's a good sign anyway... just gotta keep the weight down down DOWN!

Yeah, must keep the weight down, which is why my thighs are hurting like crazy now. Been like this the whole day.Can't even squat properly without groaning. Why? Cos I spent a nice Sunday morning yesterday going for my first jog in FIVE years. It's actually the very first time I joined Hubby in jogging. I know I kinda jogged very slowly compared to his usual speed, and he even had to gimme a 'discount' in distance jogged, but never mind la... start slow lor... hehe. Better than nothing right? :p

Anyway, let's rewind back to Saturday again. After seeing Dr Yap, we stayed in town the whole day... went shopping! Poor hubby, all he got for himself was a can of tomato juice imported from Japan at Isetan's supermarket. I got myself a couple of work pants (yes, am down one size too! Bought the pants at Dorothy Perkins... pretty cheap compared to Esprit, so might just switch to getting pants from DP instead from now onwards), a book at a Christian bookstore at Far East Plaza while waiting for my pants to be altered, and heeheehee, I also managed to expand my collection of mini Japanese food display! V^_^V

hehe, aren't they cute? First pic shows my second set of collection (only a couple of boxes were what's left from my previous purchase) lying on top of my second display case. This time, my focus is on cute western-Japanese cuisine and fancy desserts/ snacks. Check out the second pic to see this latest set of display goodies. Love looking at them! :) And final pic shows how they look when stacked on top of my first display case in the kitchen.

In the evening, Hubby and I ended up at Marina Square to meet his reservist mates... wah, first time I attended a gathering with about 90% being guys, and more than half being Malay guys... some look quite intimidating, but they're all actually so nice and jovial people... ;) The guy who organised it, Rezal, is such a gentleman and a great host. He actually asked people who managed the small eating place named Cavana to reserve more than 20 seats, and they even came to take orders from us (usually you'd have to queue to order your food). In addition, we got free small dishes and they even supplied plates and forks for a birthday celebration for one of the guys there too. Not bad! Then we were even more impressed when we headed to Superbowl next and Rezal smartly handed out coupons to everyone to use when renting the bowling shoes. He'd already booked 4 lanes for the group. In the end, he even offered to drive us all the way home. Wow... what an organiser. So pro lor. ;) Anyway, I didn't bowl (can't bowl for nuts!) or talk much to the guys, but was pretty happy just sitting back and relaxing, listening to all their bantering. Am really glad that Hubby's got a nice bunch of people to hang out with during reservist. I think it'll definitely make his time there much more bearable. :)

Ok, getting a bit sleepy liao. Tomorrow's a really long day and when I return home in the evening, I'll have to start packing for the upcoming Sec 3 adventure camp which starts on Wednesday and ends on Friday. Looking forward to the camp cos it's a great chance for me to take a break from the usual schooldays and mingle with the students of this cohort, which I know pretty well. :) But... sigh, as always, there's the reluctance to leave Hubby and not see him for days in a row. :( But well, guess it's 'payback' for him leaving me for so long for his reservist training. :p

Will log in again after the camp... tata...