Been doing a lot of thinking recently about where I am going with my career. Am experiencing too much disequilibrium, stress, confusion, frustration -- all beyond my control-- for me to fully concentrate on my work or be even half as passionate as I was when I first set out.
Beebee showed me an ad from the papers some time ago. Am genuinely interested in the position. I believe I have now come to a stage when I feel I can almost just about drop everything and leave. Escape has become my only route to sanity, and I am already trying to escape in my own ways from the people and system that I dread so much. Because of so much dissatisfaction, I am now questioning if it is still worthwhile to continue staying on. Since Hubby has been so understanding towards my pain and has assured me that he's fully behind me in the decision I make, the only tiny voice in my heart that's stopping me from abandoning the path that I have chosen altogether is the unwillingness to give up all that I've believed in and worked most of my life through for. There is still a mini-fighter within me, I guess.
But that fighter is fast losing energy. That fighter is now lying down, crying and exhausted, not willing to move. How much longer can I fight a system that I dislike so much? How much more pain and frustration does it take for me to realise that it is something I do not wish to spend half my life on if it turns out so meaningless? How much more damage to my emotional, mental and physical well-being can I endure?
So... I'm now grappling with a major decision. Something that could change my life, and Hubby's, in a huge way.
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